Lauren Ponce has been sharing a lot of good relationship wisdom. I think she may be ENTP, which explains why I like her.
Lauren Ponce Facebook Reel: Four Women
Here is the transcript (in case the reel disappears), emphasis added:
Every man falls for four (4) women in his life.
Woman Number One: Eve: your mother, the biological, instinctual feminine, your first love. She fed you, worried about you and took care of you.
Now, if the woman you pick does the same job, if they manage your life, if they mother you, if your longest relationships feel like having a second mom, then you my friend are at Stage One.
And here's how you can tell.
You don't want these women, You need them.
And wanting is a man's feeling. Needing is a little boy's feeling because at this stage "woman" and "mom" are still glued together in your head, so your desire never grew up. You don't want a woman. You want a mommy.
Woman Number Two: Helen: the aesthetic, romantic feminine, the stunning one, beauty, status, sex. And hey, this is progress. You finally stopped needing and started wanting.
But, if you pick women to show them off, if her whole job is to look good, make you feel good and make other men jealous, if the shine fades and you don't go deeper, you just swap her for a newer model, then you my friend are stuck at Stage Two.
And here's how you can tell.
Your relationships are intense but empty because "Helen" isn't a person to you. She's a trophy and trophies are for display, not for living with.
And nobody warns you because the whole culture runs on Stage Two. Ads, porn, Instagram. Nobody tells you that there's a Stage Three. You don't want a woman. You want validation.
Woman Number Three: Mary, the devotional feminine, the good one, loyal, devoted, the one that your mom prays that you're gonna marry. She is real progress.
But, if you love what she is, the wife, the mother of your kids, the saint, but you've stopped seeing who she is. If you worship her at home but still crave "Helens," then you my friend are at Stage Three.
And here's how you can tell.
You cut one woman in two: Mary at home; Helen in your head. You don't want a woman. You want a wife, and those are not the same thing.
Woman Number Four: Sophia: Wisdom. The integrated feminine, the real one.
And here's the secret. Sophia is not a better woman that you finally find. Sophia is what happens when the projector in your head shuts off. The comfort, the fire, the goodness you kept hunting in women. You finally built them in yourself, and the moment that you stop needing her to play a part, you actually see her: lover, friend, partner, equal, a real person.
Sophia was never out there. Sophia is your eyes finally open. You don't need a woman anymore, so you finally get to love one.
These four women aren't "out there." They are stages of you. You don't choose your type of woman. The stage that you are in chooses for you.
My mother was obviously my "Eve." Mommy.
My high-school crush was a projection. She was a "Helen." There were a number of "Helens" during my school and college days, but I was too busy with my schoolwork to get involved in any of that in a practical sense. But my thought life had "Helens."
My wife was definitely a "Mary." She was a wonderful wife and mother.
Late in her life, my wife was becoming "Sophia." I was trying to learn all about her and love her for who she was.
Now that my wife is gone, I am interested in "Sophia," but she is not out there. She is my projector shutting off.
As I have said elsewhere in this blog, I am learning how to develop relationships and love people.
My adventure and walking buddy is one of my "Sophias." I am getting to know her and she is getting to know me. There are others, too.
All glory to God.