Jesus is the King of Israel.
He came to save his people from their sins.
Who are his people? Israelites?
Israelites wrote the various books of the Bible.
Of the twelve apostles, only Paul was sent to the Gentiles.
Paul told Gentiles how to become Israelites.
Gentiles took Paul's works and assembled the Bible.
Then they created the Gentile Church, ... and scorned the name of Israel.
Having shed a few tears of my own over the past few weeks, I found this verse intriguing. When God weeps, it is significant and we should take note.
What was Jesus weeping about? We have to look at the context.
Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, and he wanted to help them believe, so he planned to raise Lazarus from the dead.
Lazarus had to die first, so Jesus waited two days before going to Bethany. By the time Jesus got to Bethany, Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days. His sisters knew he was truly dead.
Everyone was weeping and mourning. Both sisters told Jesus that if he had been there Lazarus would not have died, presumably because they had seen Jesus heal many people. Others also had the same opinion. Some saw his tears and attributed them to his love for Lazarus. Looking at the entire context, however, I think Jesus was on an entirely different plane from these people.
Was Jesus frustrated and perturbed with those he loved? Here's the key text...
Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?” Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. (John 11:32-41 ESV)
The Greek word translated into "deeply moved" here is ἐνεβριμήσατο, which means:
...to be moved with anger, to admonish sternly; to snort (with the notion of coercion springing out of displeasure, anger, indignation, antagonism), to express indignant displeasure with some one; to charge sternly; to snort like an angry horse; (literally) "snort (roar) with rage," which expresses strong indignation, i.e. deep feeling that is moved to sternly admonish.
It seems to be a very strong word that borders on anger, and the translation seems to underplay it. It is used twice, both times after people had said Jesus could have kept Lazarus from dying if he had been there.
The Greek word translated into "greatly troubled" is ἐτάραξεν, which means:
...to stir up, to trouble; to disturb, agitate, stir up, trouble; to put in motion (to agitate back-and-forth, shake to-and-fro); (figuratively) to set in motion what needs to remain still (at ease); to "trouble" ("agitate"), causing inner perplexity (emotional agitation) from getting too stirred up inside ("upset").
Again, this word also seems to convey a strong reaction by Jesus to what he was experiencing, and it seems to add to the indignation.
Some translators seem to attribute Jesus' emotions here to bereavement or anger at death, as this footnote from the DLNT demonstrates...
a. John 11:33 The emotion in view must be determined from the context. Some think Jesus shared their bereaved perspective, culminating in the weeping in v 35; others think anger at death is in view. If this intense emotion was expressed, this may be rendered ‘groaned’.
But the full context of the story is Jesus was going to demonstrate the power and glory of God for those he loved by raising someone from the dead, and what he saw was they just didn't get it. Jesus is God, and He is from outside of space, matter, and time. He created those things. His whole mission was to rise from the dead himself to give hope to others that they will do the same. But these people did not understand. How could they? They had not been given the Holy Spirit, and their experience was limited to what Jesus had already shown them.
I think Jesus wept because he was frustrated with those he loved. They did not comprehend what he was doing. I've been there. When those I love don't understand what I believe I understand, I weep, too.
When we attribute Jesus' weeping to bereavement or anger at death without considering the context of what he was doing, we are also missing the point, and we are projecting our carnal, worldly perspectives onto Jesus.
I have been living mostly alone for the past two months, except for occasional interactions with a few people. But I am not lonely. I am probably closer to God right now than I have ever been. With parts of society still in 'lockdown mentality,' I am in a form of prison, similar to the Apostle Paul when he wrote a number of his letters. I am right where God wants me to be -- with Him. That's why I am writing so much. It is part of the way I process things.
One of the things I have been realizing is that separation of spirit from body is not a big deal for God. We see it as a big deal because we cannot see beyond it. When a person's spirit leaves, their body immediately becomes inanimate and quickly decays. That is why we must do something with the body. But where did the spirit go? God knows. It is not a big deal for him. We need to learn to trust him. I need to trust him. I need to have faith, and He gives me that faith.
God is doing great things, and He will continue to do so.
All glory to Him.
UPDATE, November 5, 2023...
The Father speaks to us through His Creation.
I just took this photo. Those are leaves on the patio where she and I spent time together.
Six months ago those leaves were fresh and new. Now they are dead, and will soon decay.
Six months from now, there will be new, fresh leaves on the dogwood tree.
My wife's spirit left her body on the 21st day of the 21st year of the 21st century. That type of numerical coincidence happens every 101 years, which is once in roughly 36,865 days.
Her departure also happened during "Grand Climax" on the Occult Ritual Calendar, and one day after Presidential Inauguration Day in the USA. The gematria of her death date (1/21/2021) reduces to 9. Her pronounced time of death (10:58 PM) reduces to 5, and the military version (22:58) reduces to 17. I discussed both of those last two numbers in Pearls. Those are all facts; you can decide if it means anything. I believe God is in control of all things.
As I have become more and more aware of the tremendous spiritual battle taking place around us, I have increasingly fought for those I love, especially my wife. I understand she is "not my project," but she is my responsibility, or at least she was before her spirit left.
During the summer of 1969, when I was 11 years old, the girl who lived behind me walked up my driveway with a friend. I saw them from the kitchen table.
Many years later, my wife told me she went to summer school with the girl who lived behind me, and she remembered walking from the school to her house to do a project. They graduated in 1970. The population of Midland was 38,176 that year.
Another close approach happened after I finished college and was working. The girl who would become my wife played softball with someone who had a chemical engineering degree from the school where I got mine. That engineer knew some engineers I knew, and she had a party at her house. My friends and I went to the party and I remember playing Frisbee with the girl who would become my wife. I also remember her helping her engineer friend when the friend had had too much to drink.
We both worked at the same large chemical manufacturing plant, but we didn't really notice each other. I remember specifically seeing her in the 113 Building corridor, near the doorway to 114. She was with her friend, Pam, and they were probably heading back to their work areas from the cafeteria.
College co-ops had filled a specific role in my department, but the bosses decided to expand the role and fill it with a full-time employee. They offered the position to the girl who would become my wife.
Colleagues
When she started her new role, I sat down with her to explain her duties. I began by drawing a diagram of the chemical process and explaining the chemistry. She sat and listened. Then she went home and lamented to her chemical engineer friend that she had made a terrible mistake. She knew nothing about chemistry and was afraid she was going to fail. Her friend gave her counsel.
The next day, we picked up where we had left off, and the first thing she did was ask me if she really needed to know everything I was telling her. I still remember staring at the diagram and being so disappointed. I was used to dealing with other engineers. I told her no, and she asked me to just tell her what she needed to know to do her job, which was entering information into a computer. This became a joke between us for our entire relationship, and it certainly taught me a lesson.1
She did her job very well, and soon took on more responsibilities. I really appreciated what she did, and so did her bosses.
She struggled with her weight her entire life, and had become a "yo-yo dieter." As I got to know her, I noticed she ate cottage cheese for lunch and not much else. She told me later she basically did not eat. She did lose weight, and after she had been working in my area about six months, I noticed she was wearing some new jeans as she stood in the doorway of my small office. They looked very nice on her. Soon after that, she told me about a party at her engineer friend's house.
The weather was very stormy, and I wasn't inclined to go until my former roommate showed up at my apartment door with a mutual volleyball friend from college. He was in town and they were looking for someplace to go. I told them I knew about a party, and so we all went.
I think I was on my first beer when my former roommate's girlfriend observed that the girl from the office was really cute. She suggested I ought to spend some time with her. I acknowledged that that was my plan, and I was soon alone with her in the kitchen. We shared our first kiss, which was very nice. It wasn't long before I asked her if she wanted to go out to my new sports car. She looked up at me and silently nodded, giving me a look I would frequently see and cherish throughout our entire life together. The rain pitched down on the car, but it was dry inside -- at least until the windows fogged up. We got to know each other and had a fun time. We were adults.
I have a heavy beard, and it was well past five o'clock when we had our encounter. She did not go to work while her face was raw because she was terrified the men in the building would tease her. I came down with mononucleosis soon afterward and was away from work for large portions of the next three to four weeks. My boss had her deliver me some paperwork when I was at my parent's house, which I recall was both nice and awkward. I was really conflicted and felt it would be very unwise to date a colleague I would have to work with every day. If things went bad, it would be very bad.
Late in the summer, I was offered a new position on the other side of the plant. As soon as I accepted it, I told her, "We can date now."
Our first date was part of a "two-date weekend," the only one I ever had. My dad had dated a lot of women when he was young, and he told me he often went out with more than one woman in the same weekend. I had never done that. My dating, when it rarely happened, almost always ended up being "one and done." I don't know why. Actually, yes I do! God had not brought me the right one yet! Anyway, I took someone else out on Friday night but don't remember anything about it. Then I took her out on Saturday night. We went to see Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. It was awful, but who cares?! When it was finished, I opened the passenger door of my sports car for her, and she unlocked my driver's side door for me. I recently told her it was that moment when I knew she was the one. At the time, I wanted to be with her, and no one else.
Physical
Our relationship turned very physical right away. We pretty much started up where we had left off in the foggy car. I got what I had been looking for: sex. She had her trailer and I had my apartment. If there was any "foot dragging," it was by me because I had been taught it was wrong and I was a "rule follower." The culture taught otherwise, and we were products of our programming. The Holy Spirit has since taught me that I was both right and wrong. Those were some of the most joyful days of our relationship.
I had wanted to have a girlfriend and to have sex ever since I had reached puberty. Our culture told me I needed to go to school, and then to college, and then to get a job. And I did those things, because I was a rule follower, and my studies came first. I now know I was being groomed to be a slave.
God's ways and His designs are perfect. People are ready to begin procreating before they are ready to live on their own and be adults. That is why we are ready for it in our early teens, when we reach puberty. I find it interesting that the Bible says...
...a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 NIV)
It doesn't say the wife leaves her parents! Is it God's intent that she stay with her family so they can help her through her first pregnancies? Seems logical. Mary, the mother of Jesus, visited Elizabeth during the last months of her pregnancy with John the Baptist. Did God give Mary that experience to prepare her for giving birth in Bethlehem?
I have learned to strip away cultural and religious requirements to expose God's actual requirements. His requirements for marriage are three things: consent, commitment and consummation. Civil and religious traditions and practices may help bring those things about, but in God's eyes, it is only those three things that matter.
My problem was I lacked commitment, until God forced me to make a decision. I was offered a temporary, nine-month job assignment overseas. I had two decisions to make: 1) Do I take the job, and 2) Do I take her with me? Taking her with me meant we had to be civilly married so her passport and visa could be obtained. It didn't take me long to make the first decision, but the second one was harder.
Emotional
I didn't know anything about oxytocin at the time, but I had heard of the term "making love." These things bond people together, and it is God's design.
I decided I would take the overseas assignment, but I would go alone. It was only for nine months, after all. She remained silent and let me make my own decision. Later, she confided that she was afraid I would find a "Sheena Easton"2 and forget about her. I think she applied the wise advice: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was.
When I woke up the next morning, I was lying next to her as the radio played Laura Branigan singing How Am I Supposed To Live Without You. I wept. At lunchtime we were at her trailer in the kitchen and I decided I wanted to get married. What a jerk I had been. I can't listen to that song without crying.
I remember being with my dad in his living room, probably the evening before. I was conflicted, and he said that she would make a good mother. He was right.
Friendship
From the beginning, we became friends. Best friends. We enjoyed going to movies, and we left work on Fridays to get lunch at a Chinese take-out restaurant. I remember taking an afternoon off from work on a beautiful, Spring day and sitting in a particular restaurant next to the window and just talking until mid-afternoon. We had common things to talk about from work, but we moved well beyond that.
We spent a couple of years in Britain being newlyweds, although I had to work. She had been an only child until her brother was born when she was 15, so she was self-motivated and liked to explore. And shop. She took full advantage of the strong dollar. She found places to show me, and planned trips we could take. We went on a 21 day tour of Europe, and spent our first anniversary in Vienna, Austria. We also went to Scotland, Ireland, London, Paris, a tulip festival in Holland, a wine tour in Germany, and drove many places to see many sights in Wales and England. We also went on a skiing vacation in Seefeld, Austria, although she did not ski because she thought she might be pregnant. She arranged it all. I would have been miserable without her.
We spent four years in Kentucky, where we bought our first house and brought our children into the world. Before the pregnancies eclipsed our lives, we went to movies and spent money on our home. Once she was pregnant, and moving around became difficult for her, she ordered things from catalogs and we would spend the evenings returning items she didn't want. Well, I did. I always got fed, though.
We returned to Britain in the 1990's for my work, and this time we had children. It was a completely different situation, and we did very little touring, although we did go on canal-boat holidays. We really enjoyed them. And we learned to take vacations like Europeans -- we went where there was sun.
We returned to the States and shepherded our kids through their school days. We lost interest in most theatrical movies, and instead preferred to re-watch films from our young adult days and earlier. She liked old movies, although she usually deferred to my preferences She said that she didn't really care, as long as we watched something.
As I began to discover the sinister secrets in the films produced by the media, I began to analyze them. She saw those things, too, but probably would have just preferred to simply enjoy the stories. She immersed herself in clean, romance novels about Britain and similar places. She wanted to go back there again, but it never happened. Evil has come out of the shadows and the world is not what we thought it was.
Our friendship was always real, however, and it carried on until our last day together.
Parents
She was in her 30's when we got married, so we didn't wait too long before trying to start a family. We were still in Britain, and there were at least a couple of miscarriages. Every one is tragic, although we learned that they are more common than many people realize.
When we returned to the States in the late 1980's, she consulted with some doctors who specialized in difficult pregnancy situations. With a few hormonal adjustments, she was pregnant. With twins, girl and boy. I had been successful at my job, and I was going to be the father of twins! I was proud.
We lost them. They were not quite viable, and I was grateful that we were not burdened with crippling medical costs. I was devastated, and I still think it was the worst day of my life. It broke me, and seeing the "Footprints in the Sand" poem on the wall at my parents' house started me on the road towards God.
My wife did not get to see her babies, but I got to hold each of them. I think this left a gaping hole in her heart, but I am confident she is with them now. I didn't realize it, but she had a photo of their headstone as the lock screen on her phone for a long time, and it was there when she died. You can tell what is important to a person by what they put in places like that.
I was with my mother a couple of years ago when she was having blood drawn for a test. The phlebotomist's name was the same as my twin daughter's name, spelled the same uncommon way I spelled it on her birth certificate. At the same time, a young woman was behind a screen in the same room stating her birthdate to ensure proper identification. It was the same month and year our twins would have been born if they had reached full term. We later saw that woman sitting in the hallway, and the Holy Spirit pointed out to me that my twin daughter would have been the age of that woman. He was telling me that the Father remembers.
We were eventually successful. We have two daughters, and they are now about thirty years old. Our parenting years were joyful and fun. My wife always wanted to be a mommy, and she did a very, very good job. Just ask her daughters.
Spiritual
I am convinced that God picked us both for each other from the beginning.
Our first mutual "strange experience" happened on our civil wedding night. We
got to the hotel late and checked into room 225. (What does that reduce
to?) She was "off limits" due to a recent medical procedure, but we expected that. What we did not expect was our bed was about two feet short! We thought the mattress might have been turned sideways, but the bedspread and sheets fit the short mattress. It seemed like a practical joke, like "short sheeting" a bed, but it wasn't that, and no practical jokers came forward later to find out what had happened. No, this bed was just short! We were very tired, so we just got in to go to sleep. I had to sleep all night with my legs pulled up because they hung off the end of the bed if I stretched them out. I have always associated this with God's displeasure at our fornication, but I now believe the circumstances of that night had more to do with my prior failure to commit. I have learned that God has an interesting sense of humor.
The next day was lovely and sunny. As I drove home, I felt the ring on my finger, and I looked at her sitting next to me. She was my wife. I liked it. I had made the right decision.
During one of our trips in Europe, we took an overnight ferry from Ireland to Wales. As we waited to disembark, all of the passengers were lined up and vetted as they got off. My wife was ahead of me, and all of a sudden a man stepped between us and said, "Excuse me sir, but where are you from?" I stammered and told him. He got a smirk on his face and stepped aside to let me go. I ran to catch up with my wife, who did not know I had been detained. I exclaimed to her that they thought I was "a provo" (IRA). A year later, we were watching the news and they told the story of how they caught the "Brighton Bomber." They said at a particular time they were watching the ports. It suddenly hit us that they were talking about the time when we came back from Ireland. I got the newspaper, and on the front page was a picture of the bomber, and he looked very much like me.3 It's a good thing I had an American accent!
Many other things started happening as we started attending church and reading the Bible. The driver's seat in our new van came loose, and it was as if the legs had been sawed off. The dealership replaced it under warranty, and we got the impression they had no idea how it happened.
I discussed some of the other "strange experiences" in previous blog posts.
I am now going to discuss some of my wife's health issues because I believe
they contributed to her departure, and I think it might benefit people in similar circumstances. Sharing the truth with candor is a loving thing to do, although
I would not share some of this information if she was still around. I know she
cannot see what I am doing here because, as a wise person once said, if those
in heaven could see what is going on here, it wouldn't be heaven.
For many years, we did things in our own strength, like most people. The pregnancies affected her body a lot. She did not nurse and she retained much of her prenatal weight gains, and because of that, she may not have adequately metabolized the pregnancy hormones. Her years of taking birth control may have messed things up, too. She elected to have her tubes tied after her last pregnancy because they had been difficult and she couldn't handle another one. This seemed to kick her into menopause, which was not as traumatic for her as it can be for some women, thankfully.
Within a couple of years of that last pregnancy, she had a kidney stone that had to be removed surgically. We were in Britain at the time, and she received a lot of antibiotics to fight a fever that would not resolve. She was in the hospital for seventeen days. That probably wiped out her gut microbiome, which we knew nothing about at the time. The medical establishment promoted their "heart healthy" diet of low fat foods and high grain consumption, and we dutifully followed that advice. This fed her craving for bread, to the point where we both gained a lot of weight and were miserable.
She always had headaches, and during her fertile years she had terrible migraines. She became dependent upon pain relievers and caffeine. The migraines subsided after menopause, but she almost always had a headache, even to the end.
In 2013, our nephew was concerned about her and recommended we look into the "paleo" diet. At my insistence, we looked into that and other related ways of eating. It made a big difference, and we both lost a lot of weight and felt a lot better. I was able to demonstrate to my doctor that I could keep the weight off and insisted on coming off the blood pressure medication that was only treating a symptom and not addressing the root cause. My wife eventually did the same with a different doctor, but mainly to escape the bondage.
We researched diet supplements and chose to follow what we considered to be wise advice. We ended up finding that sea salt, iodine, vitamin D and a few others were the most helpful. We drank purified water and avoided bromate in bread in order to avoid interfering with the iodine and the inevitable detox headaches that would result. We also had to supplement with magnesium to avoid cramps, since we weren't getting any through our drinking water.4 These things all helped, but only went so far.
After her scoliosis was gone, I paid for her to have a personal trainer for a year. It was wonderful to watch her do lat pulldowns with a straight spine, and her sled work firmed up her whole body. We both enjoyed being stronger, until the "pandemic" ended gym workouts.
The stress and limited logistics during the "lockdowns" caused us to relax our diet discipline, although we had been indulging in ice cream before then. She began having toast in the morning and introduced limited amounts of bread into our diets. She served rice with many dishes, which is better than some things, but it's still a starch. She was craving these things, and I think her gut was still messed up.
Before we went to Jacksonville, both of her knees swelled up and she got baker cysts. We recently correlated that with a shingles vaccination, but there was no way for us to prove a connection. She had surgery to deal with a torn meniscus in one knee, and the surgeon photographed some unknown tissue inside of it, but he didn't do a biopsy. Later, we went to a rheumatologist, and he diagnosed her with systemic inflammation, confirming what we had suspected. His recommendation was some drugs to inhibit her immune system, but we rejected that as unwise. We wanted to know the root cause, but he admitted he had no clue. He was also puzzled why the knee surgeon didn't analyze the tissue he found.
I was frustrated, and ended up praying for understanding, as I discussed elsewhere. She was the reason I prayed that prayer, and she was the reason we went to Jacksonville. When I was set free, I wanted her to be set free, too. Prayer worked to reduce the swelling in her knees, helped resolve her headaches, and did some other things, but it never resolved what I think was an eating disorder. It seemed logical that there was something there that needed to be driven out, but nothing ever manifested and the issue never went away.5
I believe the Spirit began to show me that renewing our minds will set us free from things, which is why I wrote Training. It's about identifying sin in our lives and dealing with it. When Yeshua healed the man at the pool, he returned to him and said...
...“See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” (John 5:14 NIV)
I think this, and the totality of Scripture, point to sin being our whole problem, and getting rid of sin in our lives is our personal mission. As I prayed for resolution of her issues, the Spirit testified to me that I needed to help her recognize and deal with her own issues. At the same time, He pointed out that it was my marriage and if I wanted to see things change then I needed to speak up and lead. It was hard for me to do that, but I eventually did. She listened. We talked. She didn't always agree, especially at first, but as we would discuss things, and as I made my points by pointing at Scripture, she followed me.
I think it is really hard for both men and women to actually follow Paul's biblical portrait of marriage in Ephesians 5. Giving yourself up for your wife is hard; so is submitting to your husband in everything. Everything means... everything. I had to learn to be clear to her when I was really firm about something and when I was just making a suggestion for her to consider. That helped, but in the end there were just some things she could not do. I think Yeshua's words about a prophet having no honor in familiar situations may have played into it. She was almost six years older than me, and we had known each other well before all of our spiritual growth took place.
Some people may find the Shulamite post troubling, but it is one of my favorite posts, and I think it biblically addresses a lot of issues that prevent marriages from being what they can ultimately be. The things it discusses truly led to great things in our marriage, and we restored a lot of the magic we had in our early days, plus much more! God let us enjoy each other to the fullest, right up until the end. The last time we made love was special; I'll just leave it at that.
I had her make this pillow. She used to cross-stitch a lot in her younger days, but it was more difficult for her with her older eyes. She researched various patterns and came up with her own design, and did a superb job, as usual. I had not seen any commercially available pillows displaying that particular biblical concept. It made me sad, but didn't surprise me. That's why we made our own.
I told her the only thing I really wanted for Christmas this past year was respect from my wife and my kids. She was learning to give it to me. It's hard in our programmed culture.
In return, I had been praying for God to help me love my wife even more. When He did that, I'd ask for it again. And again. And again. My love for her was greater than it had ever been. And then the music stopped... Going from 100 miles per hour to 0 in a moment will literally destroy a person's heart. It was awful.
But then, blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Thankfully, that is very true.
I am actually glad that she did not have to go through what I am going through now. I am better equipped to handle the situation, and she is the one who needed to be rescued. I clearly wasn't getting the job done, and maybe that's the whole point. It's not my project. It's His.
All glory to God.
------------
2Do you see the triangle, and the mirrored triangle in the video?6 Symbolism. This is from 1981. We didn't recognize it then, but we know about it now.
UPDATE, September 10, 2021...
5I was given more insight into her health issues after I wrote this post, and I discussed it in Sunlight and Root Cause.
UPDATES, June 27, 2022...
Changed footnote 3 to footnote 4 to maintain proper order in the main text.
Changed footnote numbers to maintain proper order.
1Right from the very start, our personalities were "enigmas" (puzzles) to each other. I discussed this in some detail in updates to my Engineer post.
UPDATE, December 17, 2022...
Added the picture of the sports car.
UPDATE, June 15, 2023...
I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’ (Isaiah 46:10 NIV)
This song (Take On Me by a-ha) was popular when my wife and I moved back to the States in 1987, and this video was on MTV a lot during those early days of music videos. It takes me back to our time together before our children were born. I was prompted to watch it recently and realized it is heartbreakingly romantic and echoes the theme of this post.
As I look back on my life, I can see God's "winks," as one of my coffee-shop friends calls them, and some have been prophetic.
According to my wife's wall calendars, we traveled to the Portsmouth area on Saturday, February 28, 19877 so I could play in a volleyball match the next day (3/1/1987 --> 29 --> 11) against a Royal Navy team in Gosport. As we approached our exit on the M27, the sun came out behind us and this sign appeared (picture). I remember thinking at the time that there was something special about the place, and it continued as we went around the roundabout towards Gosport.
Notice on the sign it was Junction 11, and the highway number was 27 (--> 9), as was that of the motorway. (Knowing what I know now, it doesn't surprise me that these numbers are associated with Portmouth and the Royal Navy.)
Sixty-one (61 --> 7) months later, shortly after the 15th of Nisan, we moved back to Britain and into a house half a mile from that motorway junction.
Before we had moved back to the States from Britain in 1987, we purchased a new Ordinance Survey Motoring Atlas, just to have an up-to-date version. We did not ever expect to return to Britain. It was a souvenir, and a reference we would not be able to get in the States.
The map on the cover of that atlas was of the region we would move to five years later. The extent of that map included many of the places we would frequent when we were there with our children in the early 1990's, and our house was close to the center of the image.
The plaque on my dresser.
The Take On Me video affected me deeply the other day when I watched it. I realized it reflects what happened with my wife and me. I took her from her ordinary life and we lived a fairy tale. I grabbed her by the hand and led her to safety. I found the spiritual exit, and I got her into it; then I stayed behind to fight the Darkness. I am confident we will be reunited in True Life. She is waiting for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic. 💞
UPDATE, June 25, 2023...
6Linked to a different Sheena Easton video because the one I originally posted was taken down.
Renumbered footnotes to maintain order in the main text.
4I have found eating salad greens seems to adequately take care of the magnesium issue and I don't need to supplement as much to avoid cramps anymore. This is a more natural way of doing things -- God's way, to be exact. 😉
UPDATE, July 7, 2023...
7Corrected a gematria arithmetic error. 2/28/1987 does not add up to 55. It adds up to 37 (-->10, 1), which is not significant.
Submission can be good, or it can be bad. It all depends upon who, or what, you are submitting to.
The Bible says we are to submit to Yeshua the Messiah (Jesus the Christ). He is the King of Israel. All authority has been given to him, and he will be our Judge. He is our Master and we are his slaves,1 or his apprentices, if that is more palatable to you.
There are those who try to usurp that authority. They don't actually have any authority, but they want people to think they do in order to influence their behavior. They often use fear as a tactic, as well as other means. Sometimes they use "color of law."
People are familiar with how the German government persecuted different identity groups during the World War II period. They started by coercing people to self-identify themselves. That made it easy for the rest of society to recognize them, isolate them, and ultimately condone their transportation to gas chambers and crematoriums.
Is this happening again? You be the judge.
I am an apprentice of Jesus, so I try to do what he did. I try to let the Holy Spirit guide my thoughts and behaviors, just as Jesus did when the same Spirit descended on him like a dove after he was baptized by John.
Yeshua walked the earth during a time when the Roman Empire ruled the land. In some ways, our present times are similar, perhaps more so than many people realize.
Did Yeshua submit to Rome? I think he considered them to be like scenery in a stage play. The Roman Government was simply a backdrop to what he was doing. He did not antagonize Rome, although the common Jews expected him to free them from it. Rome did not really care about his presence because he was just one man and not a threat in their eyes.
Yeshua was, however, a threat to the Herods and the Jewish religious leaders. The Romans allowed Herod the Great and Herod the tetrarch to notionally rule over the Jews. The advent of a Messiah certainly made them nervous. The Jewish religious leaders were particularly hostile to Yeshua because he directly challenged their job performances. They did not recognize him, perhaps because their hearts were hard and perhaps they thought he was an apostate, as described in Deuteronomy 13. Ultimately, they killed Yeshua, and used the power of Rome to do it.
Yeshua's challengers tried to trap him by getting him into trouble with Rome...
Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words. They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?”
But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?”
“Caesar’s,” they replied.
Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”
When they heard this, they were amazed. So they left him and went away. (Matthew 22:15-22 NIV)
Yeshua was not sent to challenge Rome. He was sent to the lost sheep of Israel. Since I am his apprentice, that is my job, too.
Masks and "face coverings" are the self-identification devices du jour. They do very little, if anything, to protect people from a virus (research it for yourself), but they do influence people's behaviors and affect their minds. They are evil. They are unhealthy because they interfere with the operation of our God-designed and created bodies. Face coverings isolate us from one another and greatly inhibit communication through facial expressions. Most importantly, they symbolize our submission to those who are pushing them, and it is easy for everyone to see who is in compliance -- and who is not.
Masks also create division by sparking arguments and separating people into: mask zealots, multiple-mask neurotics, cowering sheep, nose-breathing rebels, and sans-diaper patriots. Which am I? It depends. I try to let the Holy Spirit guide what I do. It has been a learning process.
Generally, I want nothing to do with wearing a mask, but there are times I need to comply. My mother lives in a senior living facility and I try to follow their rules for her sake. I don't want her to be discriminated against because of my behavior. I have also worn a mask in other situations, so as to not cause division. "Blessed are the peacemakers..." You know the drill.
Saying that, I refuse to submit to those who are driving the masquerade. I understand what they are doing, and I am not going to play their game. However, I don't want to upset others and create more division than there already is.
So, this has been my strategy. Except for my mother's situation, I do not wear a mask, but I keep one in my pocket. If someone challenges me, I pull it out, put it on, and wait for them to leave, or for the situation to change. For the most part, I have been able to be free and go about my business unmolested. I was able to have a joyous conversation with a mask-wearing friend yesterday in a public place, setting a good example for folks of living in freedom and without fear.
Most businesses have submitted to "color of law" decrees just to stay afloat. I sympathize with that, but have made a conscious decision to refrain from being their customer unless absolutely necessary. I learned during the years I was not working that I can get by without buying very much at all. Currently, local restaurants are recording names and phone numbers of customers, supposedly for 'contact tracing' reasons. They are doing that under "color of law," and I will not submit to it. I won't sin by lying about my identity either. When they eventually wake up and stop the nonsense, I will be happy to give them my business.
We are living in interesting times. I want to be a peacemaker, but Yeshua is my King.
All glory to God.
------------------------
UPDATE, August 23, 2022...
1 Some people are happy to be slaves. This woman and man participate in Gorean subculture and in this video they explain what that is about. She tells how she likes her situation and what the lifestyle does for her.
Happy slaves are cooperative and productive.
Most people in America think they are free.
Comedian George Carlin thought differently. (CAUTION: Coarse language!)
This is reality...
Click to enlarge
See the frustum? This is where they feed the slaves.
This is how they train the slaves.
This is how they control the slaves.
This is how they distract the slaves.
This is how they neuter the slaves.
This is how they monitor the slaves.
This is how they use the slaves.
This is how they fleece the slaves.
(Click) Born: 18 Nov 1928, Probated: 11 Feb 1929
This is how they euthanize the slaves.
And, this is how they mislead the slaves.
The kajrah slave woman in the first video says her master saved her from a bad situation and that he treats her well. He provides for her, but her job is to serve her master.
She is willingly living under his authority as a devoted follower.
Jesus told his guys...
"...whoever would be great among you must be your servant,[d] and whoever would be first among you must be slave[e] of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43-45 ESV)
[d] The Greek word translated as "servant" is diákonos.
[e] Or bondservant, or servant. The Greek word translated as "slave" is doúlos, which is described as: "(a masculine noun of uncertain derivation) – properly, someone who belongs to another; a bond-slave, without any ownership rights of their own. Ironically, doúlos ("bond-slave") is used with the highest dignity in the NT – namely, of believers who willingly live under Christ's authority as His devoted followers. [Bible Hub#1401]
So, we are to be bondservants of Jesus, like this woman is a bondservant of her Gorian master. The 'bond' part of 'bondservant' refers to bondage, as in being tied up or in chains. That is what this woman allows her master to do. She trusts him. We need to trust Jesus in the same way. We need to be devoted to him like this kajrah is devoted to her Master.
Paul said...
Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men. (1 Corinthians 7:21-23 ESV)
I always thought I was free because I was born in and live in America. Therefore, when Jesus called me and I started to follow him I considered myself his bondservant, and still do. However, I have recently learned I am actually a slave of "the machine," but I am free in Christ. The Darkness cannot touch me because Jesus protects me. I feel like the kajrah woman, overjoyed at being saved and provided for by my Master.
I am aware I can gain my temporal freedom by reclaiming my political status as an American State2 National (ASN), and I believe that is what the Father wants me to do. I am observing what is going on, learning, and following Jesus daily and minute-by-minute through the Holy Spirit to achieve His Plan for me.
NOTE: I have not read the Gor books, nor do I intend to do so. They are far from biblical and I am just not interested.
It begins with the subtle and sometimes not so subtle demands that other people, "Authority Figures", make on you as a child, and this process only continues as an adult.
You have to do things thus-and-so because Mommy says so, and when we are very young and learning the ropes, such discipline is necessary for your own safety and to teach you how to get along in the world.
By age five, teachers take over that role, and after High School, Trade School or College, or the Military, the Boss or Drill Sergeant takes over that role. All your life, you have someone telling you how to think and what to do.
If you conform to this model, you might as well be an automaton, taking orders, fulfilling orders, getting your little allotment of "corn" and then doing the same thing the next day.
This is not natural. It's not what we need to build fulfilling lives, but of all the damage that this "model" of existence does, the very worst impact is that it cripples our minds. It reduces us to being dependent on other people's decisions and other people's authority, so that we never find our own will and our own authority.
We can never live as free men and women under conditions like these. We are not free, because our minds are not free.
When I was growing up, everyone had a calendar you could set your watch by. There was, in effect, a list of milestones that everyone had to meet. At sixteen you got a Driver's License, at eighteen you graduated from High School, at twenty-two you graduated from college, and God Forbid if you didn't then find a job, get married, and start having children immediately after that.
The Clock was always ticking and someone else set all the alarms.
...
According to the State-of-State organizations that "license" marriages among their slaves, a marriage is a Joint Venture, in which the State-of-State shares a controlling interest and ownership of all the "products".
This is how they claim the right to distribute your property in a divorce, and decide who gets custody of the children---- by redefining "marriage" as a business Joint Venture.
It should be apparent that licensing of marriages is an outrageous concept, bearing in mind that a license is a permission to do something that would otherwise be illegal.
Since when did marriage become illegal? And for whom?
For slaves and former slaves in the wake of the Civil War.
Are you a slave? Do you define your marital relationship as a business venture? Are your children "products" and "inventory"?
All the State-of-State organizations and Courts in this country deserve to have the stuffing kicked out of them, for this sin if nothing else.
Not only is this outrageous, it causes people to make wrong and sinful choices. It cheapens marriage to a business contract that can be severed if one party fails to perform.
In God's view, marriage is a covenant, not a contract. God made a covenant with Abraham, and he made a covenant with Israel through Moses. He gave Moses both copies of the tablets.
When our ideas about marriage are wrong, we risk getting our ideas about God wrong. The LORD is a promise-keeper. Many people in Israel may have broken covenant with the LORD, but He has upheld His end of the bargain. He has always maintained a remnant in Israel.
Thankfully, there are ways to get out of the State-of-State notions of marriage and its cobwebs. As Anna says in the same article...
You can now record, not register, your marriage ---and have a public record of the event, without getting a license and without entering into a privileged undisclosed Joint Venture with the Devil.
You won't be able to get insurance for your marriage and incorporated employers won't recognize it, but if you don't intend to give a "share" of your estate including a share of your children away to these Monsters, it is what it is.
Their stamp of approval on your "business plan" isn't required by your Creator, and it certainly shouldn't be required by your fellow man, either. It is long overdue for the people of this country and this world to rise up and tell our Public Servants where to stuff their licensing requirements --- especially any "licenses" related to the most sacred relationship we have.
We must get out of their jurisdictions in order to be free.
UPDATE, September 24, 2023...
As I explored Paul's Mystery and Biblical submission in marriage, I studied The Song of Songs and various websites about married, Christian intimacy. Some of those websites were frequented by Christian women who had their own blogs, and some of those blogs were rather edgy. As I overcame my previous programming about "maintaining purity," which was gone after I was set free, I began to see freedom in sexuality as God created it. My Shulamite post covers this in much detail.
A number of the blogs I encountered are now unavailable, but there is one I like where the blogger continues to make new posts almost daily. It is by a woman who is not a Christian and is very worldly, but she is very real and I enjoy her blog. I am not going to link to it because some people may find parts of it offensive. You can search for it if you like, but please do so at your own risk.
She lives in New York City and she has a relationship with a man, but they are not married. She started blogging as part of their so-called "D/s" (Dominant/submissive) relationship, which seems to be a thing the "submissives" do in a so-called "BDSM" situation. She brings a lot of her love of fashion into her presentations. It's all very visual, and I find it a lot of fun. Some of the pictures from her blog have ended up in my blog, and she has been one of my blogging mentors.
As Paul said in his first letter to the Corinthians:
The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things...
That is what I do. If I see things I do not like, I move on, but I look for what is good. Submission is good; cruelty is bad, even if it is consensual. The former is biblical; the latter is not.
The marriage bed is a playground for a couple to learn and practice leadership and submission. My wife was naturally submissive in many ways, but she also had her stubborn streaks, and she was not naturally interested in exploring new things and new ideas. She was inclined to just be "vanilla," as they say, whereas I like to consider lots of possibilities. I used ideas from my "New York friend's" blog to push the envelope with my wife. She was not particularly happy about it at times, but we did move the Overton Window and found amicable common ground that we both ended up enjoying.
One of the things that helped my case was this photograph of my wife before I knew her, when she was about twenty years old. She is wearing a mini dress, go-go boots and a choker necklace. It was taken with a Polaroid "instant camera," so the quality is not very good. We took a digital copy of it, and she gave me a framed version along with a picture of me when I was seventeen and had a headful of curly hair. (Yes, I had a pick.) I have to say, we were both pretty cute when we were young!
I thought about asking my wife to read my New York friend's blog, but decided against it. Just like I have not linked to it here, I did not think she would even do it, let alone enjoy it. I did share some things from it, however, with mixed results. Looking back, I did not realize our personalities were enigmas to each other and I made her uncomfortable, although I do not believe I was doing anything wrong. We were just in different places and I was reveling in my newfound freedom.
My point in bringing this up is I believe there are Gentile Teachings in the institutional church that stifle marriages and rob couples from the breadth and beauty of married sex, as God designed it. Some worldly people, like my New York friend, have better attitudes about some of these things than many Christians do, although they are completely lost in other ways.
I still follow that woman's blog on a daily basis. She is less into the sex stuff and has shared a lot about her dealings with her mother's death, her own health issues, her work, living in Manhattan, and what life was like there during "COVID" hysteria. She is about ten years older now than she was when she started her blog and I began following her, and that transition has been interesting. I like her, and would love to befriend her, although I think she would probably be afraid of my faith and run away from me, like many people do. I wish her well and pray God will bless her with much grace.
UPDATE, September 25, 2023...
2 Changed this from "American National" to "American State National (ASN)." There is a difference and it is important. I meant the latter when I originally wrote it.
These are my daughters when they were preteens. The photo was part of a previous post, "Explain This..."
In that post, I stated I did not know what the cover art meant on the Newsboys CD. I have since had some further thoughts.
My sister read the post and suggested the hands behind the back might symbolize a form of submission, and she pointed to some examples on the Internet. I immediately realized she might be onto something.
Doing an Internet search for "Tony Podesta art" brings up some disturbing images. This is one of them.
Those girls have their hands behind their backs. I will leave it to you to decide what you think it is all about.
This picture prompted me to make this particular post today. I just ran across it and saw, once again, the hands interlocked behind the back.
I think these things are connected, and I think I know what it means. We shall see...
As Mr. Spock would say: "Fascinating."
All glory to God
UPDATE, July 28, 2022...
I believe this all relates back to Burned Toast. I believe the Father has given me credentials through that and other experiences, and the Darkness has taken note. God has protected me personally (so far), but I believe He has allowed the Darkness to encroach upon my family.
I believe my girls have unknowingly submitted to the Darkness. That is why they will not talk to me and shun me. Personality differences can explain some of it, but not everything.
The swimming pool in the photo is Gloria Vanderbilt's, and the children in the painting have been abused. They have been traumatized, and their hands behind their backs seems to be a form of submission. (See my Deprogramming post to understand what this is about.)
My children have been propagandized and programmed by the Media, the culture, the schools, the institutions of our government, and many businesses. They were terrorized about "the virus," as were their peers and many other people. The Holy Spirit led me to disconnect from all of that. I got rid of my cable TV, do not read any newspapers, magazines or popular books, and I disconnected from almost every source of packaged information on the Internet. But many people have not, and I believe that includes my adult children. The entities they work for even push the propaganda and encourage them to comply with mask mandates and certain personal health decisions as conditions of employment. I believe they are terrified, and have submitted to the narrative. I also believe they have been taught to distrust and disrespect me as their Father. That was the purpose of Homer and Bart Simpson and many other "programs" we have all been exposed to. There is a reason those things are called "programs."
The CD photo seems to have predicted this twenty years ago, shortly after we made our highway rest stop near Somerset, Pennsylvania.
I find it interesting that the Explain This post is the last one I made before my wife died. The Darkness attacked her, too, as is evidenced by the circumstances and precise timing of her death. She was "kidnapped," and I "rode into the hospital on my white horse" demanding to know where she was. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do.
On top of all that, my mother's mind is declining and she is becoming more and more confused. She always wanted to do the right thing and got her flu immunizations each year, and every time she did her mental abilities deteriorated. This is, sadly, the case for many people, and is part of the business model the Darkness has operated to enrich itself.
Many people have been traumatized by the Darkness, and some have been destroyed, like my wife. The only way through this is Jesus. We must submit ourselves to Him, and work with Him to complete the Victory He won at Golgotha.
